Sonic Whatifs
by randommaster
Summary: Inspired by a different What if story. I have my own ideas but feel free to submit your own. What if No. 11-2: I'M NOT DONE YET. The chapter that further f-cks everything up! Just remember: THIS IS A RANDOMMASTER FIC! -kicks-
1. Story 1

**This is my first What-if fanfic. Feel free to submit some ideas down at any time, but other than that, it will be my ideas.**

**Now then, let's get the road on the show—wait, that's not how it goes…**

**Well then, time to get this thing on the road. Try to keep your ideas T rated.**

**Also, if you want Corey (or your fancharacters) in your submission, indicate it. ADD, or absolutely retarded, you name it, I can do it.**

**Now then—the first one on my mind is…**

**----**

**What-if Story #1: Sonic was on drugs and had the intelligence of paper?**

"Sonic… I don't even understand why I got here. I find myself tossed out of bed, sucked through a vortex, maced by the royal club in Knothole, beaten across my face, maced again, dragged to the royal chambers to be prosecuted, sucked into another vortex, beaten in the face with a metal club that had mace on it, maced once again because I looked at Amy for even a second—by that insane fox, kicked in the balls with steel-toed boots twice, and finally thrown onto this table and anally probed." a boy named Corey said. Hard to believe, but Corey was actually smarter than the one that you would see in other fanfics.

"No, it's not abduction, it's actually called 'dragging you to a universe and torture you 'till you crack for no reason'. It's a hedgehog term." Some people made this hard to believe, but it's true: Sonic was this retarded all his life. "Interesting story, but we need to get this road on the show here."

Tails, who had been watching this event, realized Sonic had once again mutilated an age-old saying, which irritated him to no end. Road on the show? Was this hedgehog on drugs?

"Here's a photo of a psychic hedgehog I saw, his name is Silver." Sonic said with the enthusiasm and clarity of a second grader describing his field trip to the zoo. The blue hedgehog handed the poor man the photo.

"Eh, Sonic?" Corey said hesitantly after a minute. "Is this photo of Silver the Hedgehog SUPPOSED to look like Shadow the Hedgehog with absolutely nothing on? And why does it say 'From Shadow. XOXOXO' on the back in blue pen?"

The hedgehog turned crimson and snatched the photo back from Corey.

"Er, top secret hedgehog-esque information. I'm not even supposed to have it! For fuck's sake, let's forget these shitty photos!" Sonic shouted at the top of his lungs.

The silence killed an ox.

"You're on drugs, aren't you?" Tails said breaking the silence.

"Yep!" our lovable hero said.

And to conclude, we now have a reason why you shouldn't piss off a boy who was dragged out of bed. Sonic is now spending a bitchin' summer at John Hopkins Medical Center and also rehab. He is expected to get out sometime during the holiday season.

Tails and Amy got married and had loads of kids.

Corey stayed in Sonic's universe and found love. He is expected to marry within the next five years.

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**You know the drill: submit ideas!**


	2. Story 2

**Already, I have a submission:**

**What if… Shadow was a girly pop singer but not gay?**

**I'll do this with Corey because I have a special idea for the ending.**

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**What if Story #2: Shadow is a girly pop singer but not gay**

"Hey, has anyone seen Shadow?" Corey spoke, brown hair waving about in the wind.

"No, not really, I heard he was having a concert, at Club Rouge, or something like that." Tails the two-tailed fox said, obviously confused as to Shadow's extended and unexcused absences. "It could be he's in the hospital recuperating from a savage blow to the face… hey, why are you laughing?"

Corey, as usual, had a gutterminded nature. "Blow", as Tails had used it, meant something sexual to this kind of kid. He was doubled over on his stomach and laughing very hard. "Savage—blow—to—the—face… -snicker-."

"Guttermind," the fox spoke turning away from the Chris lookalike.

"Hey, look what I got," a pink hedgehog shouted, running up to the two conversers. "I got enough tickets to see Shadow perform his new song! But he told me to keep it a secret, otherwise I'd be cut up like dog meat and served raw to Sonic, and, wait, dammit, Corey, are you fucking laughing?"

Sure enough, the word raw meant something else to Corey the Gutterminded Human. Tears were streaming from his eyes. "That's even worse than prostitution!" Corey screamed between laughs.

There was a grand pause. "Uh, Corey?" Tails said hesitantly. "You need to seriously stop hanging around Rouge. Now. Not that I love her or anything." Pause number two. "I mean, it's not like I want to make her kids or anything. I'm not like, jealous of her telling you to be gutterminded. At all." The third pause. "Ah, fuck. Let's just go to that concert!" Pause the fourth.

"Tails, you fucking moron, that concert is at eight. It's four o' clock." Corey said, snapping out of his "guttermind" idiocy and back into his "first-grader" idiocy.

**FOUR HOURS LATER…**

Shadow the Hedgehog walked onto stage, wearing what suspiciously looked like a bow in his upper left quill. Corey's face scrunched.

"What'd he do, lose a bet to Cream or something?" Corey whispered to Sonic.

"How the fuck should I know? I'm not his friend, retard!" Sonic the Hedgehog shouted quietly.

But, what came next would haunt Corey's memories forever. Shadow started making very girlish movements. All the girls started clapping, and a few others in the front were holding up Barbie dolls.

"Oh Jesus…" Corey sighed, alarmed. Before long, Shadow started singing the song "Barbie Girl". After he was finished, Corey and company met up with the girly pop singer backstage, and immediately Corey started laughing.

"Corey…" Knuckles said through gritted teeth, but of course, Sonic had an idea—a painful one for Corey.

"Let the retard learn 'Life Lesson #10102: Never, ever piss off Shadow unless you have a death wish.' It's another hedgehog term I made up." Sonic said grinning.

"What –snicker- is next? Planning to do a girly rendition of 'Rock the Dragon' from Dragonball Z? Grow up, homo!" At this point in Corey's speech, the Sonic crew took several (thousand) steps back. In fact, they were watching from a hill overlooking Club Rouge, because everyone knew Shadow had an explosive temper. "Shadow the Homosexual Girly Pop Singer Hedge—"

"CHAOS BLAST!!!!!!!!" our favorite black hedgehog screamed, blowing up everything within a 20-yard radius. Corey was sent flying approximately 500 feet into the air, and began his rapid descent toward the ground, when two spears of Chaos energy slashed Corey's legs almost completely off. Now, as Corey landed in a boneless heap on the ground, Shadow cracked his knuckles loudly. "Any last words, fucker?"

"No… except for…" Corey was cut off by Shadow slamming his fists down.

**POW!**

"OW! MY FUCKING EYE!" our favorite boy whimpered.

**WHACK!**

"FUCK!"

**BIFF!**

"Not my face!"

**BOOSH!**

"Not those either!"

**DOOSH!**

"THE INHUMANITY!!!"

**RANDOM PUNCH NOISE!**

"I'm SORRY SHADOW! AAHHH! MAKE IT STOP!"

On this went for a half-hour, with Shadow venting off steam by saying twenty variations of the word "fuck" in under a minute all the while making sure Corey had no bones left over.

THE AFTERMATH…

Corey spent two bitching years at John Hopkins Medical Center. He is expected to walk sometime this holiday season.

Shadow got a sex change, and a few Oscars. He… err, she lives with her boyfriend Sonic. Apparently, the old, male Shadow simply couldn't take the taunts of being a male, straight pop singer for even a year.

Tails eventually married Rouge and had about 200 hybrid babies with her. After her last birth (last year), she too, went to John Hopkins… with Corey.

Amy gave up on Sonic and moved on to Corey, who cowered in fear each time she walked into the room. He sure feared hedgehogs after Shadow beat the everlasting fuck out of him.

Cream married Charmy, end of story.

Espio and Vector held auditions for the retard of their team. Eventually, a member of the Next Generation Special Forces from Metal Gear Solid got the job, simply because he had the sight, hearing, and especially intelligence of a super retarded jellyfish. Boy, do the two ever look professional.

Cosmo also went to visit Corey sometimes at John Hopkins, however, sometimes he would be outside whenever she visited.

Last holiday season, Corey's cousin Zach received coal for playing a mean prank on his bedridden sibling. In a related story, 50 elves, 25 reindeer, 1 dog and a morbidly obese man were found murdered recently at the North Pole. Some causes of death included deadly whiplash, run over by a car, an energy wave through the face, and in the obese man's case, being run over 5,000 times by his own sleigh. Robo-Santa replaced the obese man soon after.

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**I told you that one day Corey would get the everlasting fuck beat out of him. R&R! And submit. This was fun writing!**


	3. Story 3

**Before I move on to my next idea,**

**SanFran57: I have no idea what you meant by "likes". After all, I warn you—I DO NOT DO YAOI!!!**

**Next one is…**

**Note: No good will come of this…**

**----**

**What If Story #3: Corey does a favor for Sonic**

" 'Alright, Sonic,' I said, 'I'll ask her out on a date for you', I said. How the fuck can people convince me to do anything for a Klondike bar?" Corey muttered to himself. "I mean, it's not like he can't do it—next time I meet Tails I'll tell him I have a theory—the 'Sonic the Hedgehog is a Jackass' theory. It is clear—the general picture of it being Sonic is a total jackass. God, I wish he would ask her out, the motherf—hey I'm at her house!" Corey said, not realizing it.

Corey rapped twice on the pink door, quickly getting a hyperactive Sonic stalker at the door within, oh, I don't know, about two seconds?

"Hey Corey!" she said, going about a mile a minute. Ever since she decided she needed coffee, she was literally bouncing off the walls and therefore, although it made absolutely no sense to the retarded human Corey—she was able to chase Sonic at a speed almost on par with the hero. "Let's talk about Sonic! Or better yet—Tails!"

_Wait a minute—why the fuck does she want to talk about Tails over Sonic—could it be--? _The thought process of Corey was cut short when he was whisked into the pink house on North 4th street.

"So…" Corey began, unsure now of what to say, "Sonic wanted me to tell you that he loves you and he told me to tell you that he wants to go out on a date—" The boy was once again cut short, this time by lips pressing on his. Immediately, one thought surfaced to the boy's mind: _What the hell?_

"OH COREY! I'D LOVE TO GO OUT WITH YOU," Amy exclaimed at the top of her lungs, apparently on a very phenomenal sugar high. After all, she wouldn't have asked out Corey under any other circumstances—nor would she accept an invitation to go out with him. Besides, she'd got his phrase mixed up.

"No," Corey murmured, looking Amy in the eye, "I said 'Sonic loves you and wants to go out with you.' If you mistake another phrase, I fear Sonic will fuck this town up."

"Wait—Sonic wants to fuck you?" Amy questioned, lowering down her sugar high, "And he loves me, but wants to go out with this town? How does that work?"

"What, no!" Corey said, growing very irritated, "I said 'Sonic loves you, and wants to go out with you, and if you mistake another phrase of mine for something else, I fear Sonic the Hedgehog will fuck this town up.'"

"Okay—I got it—You love me, Sonic wants to go out with a phrase, and I can fuck the town?"

"No! I said 'Sonic loves you, wants to go out with you, and if he doesn't get to do that, he'll fuck this town up over you."

"-sniff- Sonic's over me already?"

"For God's sake, I said—"

"Fuck loves you, Sonic wants to go out with the town, and I can fuck Shadow up—"

"SHUT THE GODDAMN HELL UP!!"

Amy stopped running her mouth. She took a hard look at Corey's facial features, which were: a vein throbbing on his forehead, a hand over his face, hyperventilation, a little foam at the mouth, red-purple face, and a death-glare which, if looks could kill, would have instantly vaporized everything within the kid's line of vision into nothing at all.

"Just go out with Sonic at 8 tonight at the restaurant on 5th street… GOT IT?!" Corey angrily said through gritted teeth.

"Y—yes… understood… I'm sorry," the pink hedgehog said. Before Corey could leave her house, Amy said to him, "You know, you ARE pretty cute when you're angry."

"Waitaminut—whaddafuck?" Corey said, scratching the inside of his ear—"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." There was a long pause…

**HAMMER TO GROIN!**

**AMAZING MELEE ATTACK KICK JACKASS OUT OF HOUSE THING!**

"Ow--!" Corey screamed, holding his crotch in pain.

"AND YOU YELLED AT ME FOR NOT GETTING ONE THING RIGHT!" Amy said, pointing her hammer threateningly at the boy writhing around on the ground in pain. "But still, I will date Sonic."

With that, the hedgehog closed the door behind her. As Corey turned to leave, ready to get his fucking Klondike bar, he remembered something—

"Oh shit. There are at least three restaurants on 5th. Oh well, Amy's a smart girl—I know she will get it right." That's right, even after all that bullshit that Corey went through just to play Cupid in this Sonic X Amy pairing story, he still thought the Sonic stalker was smart!

**Aftermath—**

Corey was right—Amy did manage to find the restaurant in questioned, and Sonic and Amy married, much to the delight of screaming SonAmy fans.

Corey found love in another human—the two married and had two kids—

Knuckles and Shadow got into a fight over who gets Rouge, ended when Rouge said she'd eagerly date both of them. So in the end, it's a two-husband one-wife marriage. For once—a female Mormon.

Tails, Cream, Charmy, and Cosmo all got into a bigass argument over who gets what. In the end, Charmy and Cosmo got together, and Tails and Cream got together as well.

Espio and Vector randomly hired Faceless Guard 15 from DarkGidora's fic, "Tactical Idiocy Action: Metal Gear Solid", to make the rest of the Chaotix staff look professional. Why? Charmy said he'd quit when he married Cosmo, which he followed through on.

Zach, who was always the dark and cold one, stayed alone. But hey—he didn't care—he was cold and aloof, as always. He was later found beaten to a pulp in a ditch with a note attached to his back, saying: "You should have come to Sonic and Amy's wedding, BITCH!! Signed, Sonikka". Zach is expected to walk sometime in February.

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**No offense, Sonikka, but you know—too many rabid Sonic X Amy fans on here to really pick one, so I decided on some random member. Besides, it evens things out**


	4. Story 4

**This is one of those more gutterminded fics—I may need to raise the rating if one person says the rating needs to go up.**

**Also, this features the Saiyan version of Corey because that's what I pictured him as. Roughly, I think this would be a good thing, unless you have this line in your profile (or in your mind).**

"**i haterez dragonballz and eye thinkx itx gai."**

**No, it isn't gay, you're just lonely. On with the story.**

**Also, Amy17, Corey18,**

**and everyone else is their relative ages—five years up, (Sonic, 20, Tails 13)**

**--------------**

**What If Story #4: Corey found out about Amy's "hobby"**

"Oh my god! AHHH!!!" Corey screamed, being chased by Amy, who had her giant-ass hammer raised over her head like an angry woman. Now, one would note the comical monkey-like tail and instantly mark him as a Saiyan. Well, guess what, you perceptive bastard: you are correct. Also, one would note that the Suupaa-strong, ultra fast, ultra stupendous Super Saiyan had no fear of Eggman, not even when really, really giantass solid steel robots were involved. No, not at all. In fact, he prays the day would come. But when it came to Amy and her anger problems, Corey is one of those "wet pants" cowards.

"YOU HAVE INSULTED SONIC FOR THE LAST TIME!!" Amy said, her hammer dangerously threatening all that was consciousness. After about five minutes of constant screaming, Sonic, Shadow, and Tails walked up, noticing the chase unfolding.

"Corey, what the fuck did you do this time?" Shadow questioned, doing his best "emo-crossing-arms-aloofness-pose" possible in both a pose and his voice.

"All I did was tell a little joke about Sonic!" Corey screamed over his previous screams of terror. After ten more minutes of this, Tails raised a question.

"Do you know what Amy does for a hobby?" the goldenrod fox with two tails interrogated over the louder screams.

"No, what does she do?!"

Of course, with all of this screaming, it was hard to hear. Finally, Shadow lost all of his composure to a fit of rage and sheer blurting-out-something-that-pisses-off-non-yaoi-fans.

"SHE WRITES YAOI!!! SONADOW, SONTAILS, SONUCKLES…" Shadow screamed, loud enough for Corey to hear. Slowly, Corey's expression changed from one of fear to one of anger. "SONIC AND YOU, SONIC and ZACH, you name it, she's done it you cowardly bastard!" This didn't match Shadow's usual demeanor in the very least, and neither would Corey's demeanor as of the next few seconds. As Shadow's aloofness returned, a black marking slowly began to work its way all over the right side of his body. This happened whenever Corey got supremely pissed, like he probably was then. Corey stopped ice cold in his tracks… his eyes going bloodshot.

"SHE DID WHAT?!!?" the shout shakes everything, and now it caused Amy's blood to run cold, seeing the bloodthirsty look in Corey's eyes as he now shot her a death glare, turning to face her. Sonic turned to Shadow, almost angrily if not worried for the well-being of either of his friends, spoke:

"What the fucking hell was going through your mind?! Shadow, he could kill Amy for something like that—visibly kill her! He hates yaoi with a strong passion, and when he finds that one calls him gay, he goes pratically insane." Did I say "Sonic spoke"? No, I meant Sonic yelled at the top of his lungs, really worried for either of them.

"IS THAT TRUE?" Corey questioned, black markings working their way to the other side of his body, making his eyes starting to go completely blood red. Amy was hesitant to answer—she had done that a lot, but frankly grew bored of it… and then Shadow went and opened his big mouth.

"…I…I…" she stuttered immensely, not knowing now what the hell would calm him down. Finally, she settled on the answer that she knew was true—"I used to." Her voice was riddled with the timidity that Corey felt minutes ago.

"MORTAL KOMBAT!" Corey screamed at the top of his lungs, and filled with more rage than a demonical, began to beat the everlasting fuck out of her. Amy tried to counter with her hammer, but that was thrown to the side. As Corey's pummeling continued, she realized there were two ways out, shout the word "fatality" at the top of her lungs, or kiss him hard enough to render him unconscious. Now, I forgot to mention, she had grown into such a beauty, still though, failed to impress Sonic. This was at least five years after the battle with Devil Doom. Tails and Corey both stared at her, the latter mainly doing it because he had always had a crush on Amy, the former doing it because he had begun to develop feelings for her—or was it lust for Tails? Anyway, moving on. The thought of a kiss from the relative pink hedgehog, let alone a dragged-out one—was mind-blowing.

Before any sort of ultra-crippling damage could occur, Amy came to a decision. She looked at the bloodshot eyes of the man who hated yaoi, and looked down at his mouth, his teeth bared. She knew one way out of it, and one way only: she had to give him a kiss. There was no way she could blurt out "Fatality" before he really did kill her. She drew in close and smashed her lips against his.

Now, one would note that Corey was filled with more rage than any person could be filled with, and therefore, could not be calmed. Yet, this kiss was slowly starting to calm him—Corey's state returned to normal, and a blush crept onto his face. After a few seconds of this, Corey could only think: _Jesus. Hope she's available, because I think the crush developed. _There was a lower "sensation" going on in Corey's lower region because of this.

Finally, Amy stopped. She took one look at Corey's scarlet face and instantly regretted ever teasing him like that. Sonic, Shadow, and Tails were laughing in the background. Corey couldn't hear—nearly all the blood in his system was in his face. Suddenly, Corey managed to say something.

"D…d…duck." Corey said to Amy, his nose becoming very red. Amy obliged as a stream of blood spurted from Corey's nose, and over Amy's head, for a brief instant, before it was trickling down the front side. Corey was too shocked at what had just happened to contain it. He pinched his nose, as Sonic suddenly shouted for tissues, Shadow remained aloof, and Tails screamed out because Corey was having a severe nosebleed.

After all the tissues in two tissue boxes were removed and shoved up Corey's nose to contain the nosebleed, Amy finally managed to say…

"Sorry." she said, coughing up a little blood from Corey's beating.

"For what?" the boy inquired, before remembering the yaoi thing. "No, if anything, I'm the one who should be sorry. I could have killed you if I kept on. But you really should have known that yaoi was something very touchy for me!"

"I know, that's why I said sorry."

After a sigh, Corey turned to leave, when he heard a "Corey?" coming from Amy.

"Yeah?" Corey said, the tissues in his nose turning bloody.

…Without another word, the two kissed, only much more passionately than before…

And that, my friends, is how a Saiyan and a Hedgehog got together after five long years.

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**I had to do the AmyXOC scenes in there because, well, I couldn't help myself.**

**Now, tell me what you thought. I know I went a little overboard with the whole "Corey hates Yaoi idea" but I was all "This idea is totally pimpin'".**


	5. Story 5

**Alright, my second submission that I can do without, you know, accidentally going overboard. Once again, featuring Corey with all of his stupidity intact. The show is Jeopardy!, so I need to space apart the punctuation.**

**--------**

**What If #5: Sonic Gang Goes To Jeopardy! (?)**

"Well, if we aren't going to Jeopardy! (?)" Corey said over his Japanese music, _Ore wa Tokoton Tomaranai!! _or, translated, meaning _The Ultimate Energy!!_ The said music was playing at nearly 120 decibels, making the fox who had told him that he, Sonic, and Corey were going head-to-head-to-extremely-intelligent-head in Jeopardy, the game show, yell at him. Now, while Corey was by all means, retarded and had the attention span of, hell, a Stormtrooper who fell on his head all the way down three flights of stairs, without his helmet. "I guess they nominated me because I'll get like, negative 2,000 bucks or something, or a record low, like…" Tails ignored his tirade and handed him his ticket.

"Just get there, alright?" he yelled over the music, while thinking _This sucker's going to get less money than a hobo who has a checkbook! Man, I love tricking this person over… unlike Knuckles, who would gladly slam someone through a wall… fuck. I'm carrying on a pontification in my mind again. I should murmur it to myself, at the very least._

"Alright, I'll probably get a fucktarded amount of money like, negative 10,000 dollars." While he continued his tirade, one would note that Tails had long tuned out the total idiot's speech, and thought of Star Wars. Man, that calmed him down like hell freezing over.

The fox thought to himself as he departed, _Christ, were all of Corey's family members this dense?! Even worse than the incompetent Imperial officers in Star Wars. Man, I REALLY have to break this addiction._

Exactly five hours later, the astoundingly famous Sonic the Hedgehog, the insanely smart Miles "Tails" Prower, and the critically acclaimed retard, Corey (middle name and last name unknown) were lined up to play Jeopardy! The host, Alex Trebeck (forgot how the fuck it was spelled), walked up on his question/stage thingy, and traditionally, welcomed the two celebrities and the comic relief.

You see, the only reason why it wasn't Shadow sitting at the third thing was that the show needed more publicity and Alex and Miles knew each other too well. So, the fox told Alex of his very mentally retarded friend and a deal was struck after a case of vodka was shared.

"The first category selection goes to, Corey." Alex said, hoping the idiot would get every single thing wrong, giving his show a massive boost over Wheel of Fortune. _Screw that fucked-up wheel; I have a board damnit!_

The six categories were Math, Science, Mechanics, Anime, Cartoons, and Corey, Please Go Here, the last of the six being especially confusing for Corey should he dare to go there.

"I choose 'Corey, Please Go Here', for 500, Alex." Corey spoke deliberately. Did he not know of his humiliating fate? Was he really that much of an incompetent moron of a hero?

"The question says 'Wikipedia reaches 10000000th article! Your response?"

"I say 'I have no fucking reason,'" Corey swore, the swear being bleeped out by the Suupaa-Magical-Censorship-of-Standards-and-Practices™.

"WRONG!"

And so, the game went, with Corey getting all of his questions wrong. After two rounds of total humiliation, several cases of beer (all drunken by Corey), and sitcomish laughter, it was time for the final Jeopardy! Showdown, with Corey's score at negative 5,000, Tails' Score at 10,000, and Sonic's score at 200. The final category? DragonBall Z, something that Corey knew everything about.

"I betsh, about whatever the fucksh I cansh betsh at my lowsh levelsh!" the drunk as hell Corey said, which was 5,000, just enough to get out of his state of negativity. Yes, Corey, 18 had access to beer, but no cigarettes. Whatever was left of his brain cells struggled to survive under the alcohol.

"I bet 100,000," Tails said, confident in his answer.

"I bet 200," Sonic spoke, knowing that in Corey's state of intoxication, he couldn't even get one thing right. The question: only something Corey could know, and Tails barely had comprehension for: What was the theme of Budokai 3's Japanese name?

After the ditty finished playing, the completely fucking wasted Corey opened up, saying _Ore wa Tokoton Tomaranai!!/The Ultimate Energy!!_ with his bet, 5,000 in full glorious salute.

Tails had a similar answer, only the English answer, causing him to lose all of his earnings. Sonic had something completely different, which put everyone at 0. Since no one won, Corey walked up and said, "Let'sh leave it at this… just send everyone home…" he was beginning to sober up, "And remember that I got my fucking answer right!"

A needle could be heard dropping… then Tails and Sonic screamed "YOU WERE A FUCKING COMICAL RELIEF THING!" before…

**AMAZING FOX ACTIONY PIMP-SMACK COREY WITH TWIN TAILS THING!**

**AMAZING HEDGEHOG ACTIONY SUPERSONIC SLAM DRUNK THROUGH WALL THING!**

Corey is now expected to get out of rehab next week.

Tails was back on Jeopardy! a week later to regain some cash to pay up rent. He won swiftly and quite easily.

Sonic defeated Eggman a lot. Need I say more?

Alex Trebeck defeated the host of Wheel of Fortune in an epic showdown, which ended with Wheel of Fortune fans insulting Jeopardy! fans, several riots, and a mind-blowing game of "Don't Drop the Toaster", in which two teams toss a Toaster in a pool—with the Toaster plugged in. And you can't drop it, otherwise everyone dies. However, while… erm, fuck it, let's just let the questions hang.

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**Next one of my Ideas will feature an entry on Wikipedia: Saiyans. Duh.**

**Review. NOW!!**


	6. Story 6

**I'm doing this before the one with Truth or Dare, so be patient.**

**Forgot to do the Disclaimer**

**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything expect anyone you really don't recognize.**

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**What-If Story #6: What if an article on Saiyans was looked up on Wikipedia?**

It was finally yet another get-together at Tails' house. Why? To celebrate yet another defeat of Dr. Eggman, which struck Corey as odd. There had to be a second darker purpose. After all, Tails said he had done some research on Corey's race (Saiyans), using a certain site.

_Well, I'd better hope that there's nothing painfully obvious, _Corey thought to himself, with his tail hanging out (like always), approaching the door. Knocking twice, he was soon greeted by someone well below his size, Tails the Fox.

After a couple of hours, Tails called the attention of everyone, including Corey (and Zach, his cousin who was also present), that an article on Wikipedia was looked up, and it provided all the information he needed. Everyone except Shadow looked as though if they had been laughing at something on that article. Zach was always keeping his tail protected, and this was no exception.

When everything was accessed, Tails accessed the favorites menu, and clicked what would soon be known as "The Article from Hell." Tails immediately began reading…

"_There was once a barbaric race known as the Saiyans…"_

All of a sudden, Sonic doubled over, pointing at Corey, proclaiming "OMIGOD! LOOK OUT IT'S _COREY_ THE BARBARIAN!!" This sort of thing made Corey want to steal the Chaos Emeralds, combine their powers with his own, and then proceed to smite he who was doubled over laughing and he who was reading this article, but he decided to just ball his fist, knowing he couldn't do anything about it.

"Note that once was," Shadow said, opening his eyes, "These guys may well be the last two of their race."

"_Saiyans are outwardly very similar to __Humans__, except for their increased natural __strength__, ability to manipulate __ki__ with great ease, which allows them to undergo physical __metamorphoses__, and their __monkey__-like tails. They are commonly seen to have black hair, usually spiky."_

"Okay, that isn't me. At least…" Corey was stopped by more of the laughter and a little bit more of reading. "…that was painfully obvious."

"_Saiyans are typically very aggressive and hard-headed, with short explosive tempers."_

There was a long drawn-out pause. Before long, everyone pointed and laughed at Corey, including Zach. Once again, Corey fought back the urge to have Tails look for his teeth and left eye soon enough. What the hell was he thinking? Sure, he'd give him hard-headed and aggressive… and… fuck it, that entire sentence was right. Zach finally stopped laughing. This was making Corey angry, and he wanted to make sure he was as far away as possible.

Most of the article was done, when Tails noted something about the Saiyan tail, and read it aloud for all to hear—

"_The tail is a particularly sensitive area for Saiyans -- when grabbed, it causes great pain to the owner, as well as temporary immobilization and fatigue._"

Almost instantly, Sonic was behind Corey, saying "Let's just put that to the test…" He instantly grabbed it… and then…

**SLAM THROUGH THE WALL!**

Sonic struggled to get free of the wall that Corey slammed him into. While Sonic was getting out of the wall, Tails continued despite the fact that he could be the next going through one of his walls.

For a while, Corey was insulted, but after the article finally ended, Corey finally walked up, and put Tails in a chokehold… and then…

Well, let's just say, after fifteen minutes, Tails was looking for half of his teeth, and his left cornea.

**Aftermath**

Corey stopped Tails from calling anymore embarassment,

Tails made sure he never pissed off Corey again.

Zach had spent half of his time pointing and laughing at Corey, but after a while, grew bored with it and simply stopped.

---

**That was the most idiotic thing I have ever done here. Review anyway.**


	7. Story 7

**Here's another submitted idea from the same user who submitted the whole "Jeopardy!" thing. However, there is a slight twist—featuring the non-yaoi style OCXTails thing. You see, Tails is a girl in this, and only Corey would be blind enough to not realize it until it hits him.**

**----------------**

**What-If Story #7: The Sonic Gang Plays Truth or Dare**

For reasons unknown to man, the suddenly cloth-wearing kitsune Tails decided to hold a game of Truth or Dare. Wait—well, it's a girl—considering all the males on the planet (minus humans) usually don't wear clothes save gloves, socks and shoes. However, only one had been blind to this revelation.

"Why is Tails, a man, suddenly wearing clothes? I mean, all the males don't wear clothes, well, save me and Zach. But—the girls wear clothes—" Corey, the human who can barely take a first-grade math question without getting completely fucking stumped, questioned his highly intelligent friend's sudden change of fashion. "Hey, maybe he finally came to his senses: Streaking is wrong. Either that, or he's a girl, but I find that unlikely."

However, everyone else had caught on to it. So, since Corey hadn't caught on quite yet, and everyone had also been told that Tails had her (**HER!!**) sights on Corey for a while now, why not dare the poor sucker to do a little making-out? Because Corey had an anger that probably, if fully exploded, could make Amy quiver in the corner and cry.

Ten minutes later, Tails approached Corey, a blush on her (**again, HER!!**) face.

"Corey…" the vixen said, which, judging from Corey's angle, was actually fucking creepy. "Have you ever fallen in love with someone?"

"Eh, I don't like the way this conversation is going…" Corey said, slightly scared for his mind. If this was a sort of homosexual-thing-about-something-that-would-not-please-the-author-in-the-very-least sort of thing, then Corey feared the all-powerful randommaster would descend upon the land and point a finger at Tails. However, Corey was lacking in the brains department. That, and he failed to notice that the fox was consistent with her fashion sense—clothes. Jeans and a t-shirt—oddly similar to that of Corey's own choice—minus the jeans, add sweatpants in their place…

"I want to know—can a human love a fox."

"Okay Tails, listen. I do not care what Zach may have told you (the lying bastard), Corey is a ladies' man. Got it? Frankly, this little snippet of a conversation is entirely too yaoi-like for my taste."

"What? No, I'm a girl, Corey!"

For a moment, Corey looked the vixen up and down. Failing to notice the round 'elevations', as well as the curves, he said, "No, you're gay."

Tails sighed to herself. _Why are all the cute ones idiots?_

After five more minutes, the oh-so-vomit-inducing ride of Truth or Dare began. Tails, since it was her house, got the first bottle-spinning-select-thingy, to which the bottle stopped on…

…

…

…

…

Shadow.

"Shadow, truth or dare?" Seeing that no truly humiliating dares had been made so far, and therefore feeling safe to do so, answered with the dare.

"I dare you to…" the female fox said, thinking. Soon, an idea struck Tails' senses. "Wear this!" She pulled a toilet paper tube from her pocket. "Wear it like a hat." Instantly, Shadow felt the insatiable urge to kill the hell out of everyone there as Dark Super Shadow, but considering the whole plan, decided against it.

For two minutes, everyone shared a laugh at Shadow's expense before… SLAM! The toilet paper tube left a nice dent in the wall, despite the fact that it was made out of fucking thick brown paper. Shadow spun the bottle, the still very pissed look on his face, which landed on Sonic. Since he was one of the few laughing the hardest, he accidentally called out "Dare!" in response to the Truth or Dare question.

Shadow, an unmistakably vengeful look in his eyes wanted to double the humiliation he received and yelled at the top of his lungs, if not more, "I FUCKING DARE YOU TO MAKE OUT WITH AMY, ASSHOLE!!" This didn't match his aloof demeanor in the very least, and somewhere out there, a million cowards cried in the nearest corner that they could find.

"Holy…!" Of course, Sonic was never one to finish a sentence when it involved making out with Amy Rose, because when it came down to it, she cut him off with that whole "making out with Amy Rose" part of it. For the next two minutes, Sonic was deprived of air. After having all the oxygen drained from his lungs, the laughing Corey was finally selected. The plan is now in motion. There was a secret that not even the amazingly stupid Corey knew about—other than Tails being a girl, but he didn't get the hint that Tails was in fact in love with him, despite the fact that she met Sonic first—could it have been because of Amy?! Because he did hand her a rose—fuck. No more Sonic X for randommaster.

Almost instantly after Corey was selected, he picked dare instantly, not expecting a "I'm –deep breath- going –gasp for air- to say this –even deeper gasp of air- once: I dare you to make out with Tails.

All time and sound seemed to stop, before Corey completely went fucking insane with anger to all except Tails. Remember kids, getting attacked by a kid with a full-blown anger problem is like falling asleep. In a two-ton crusher machine.

After leaving four hedgehogs, an echidna, two cats, a bat, a rabbit (who, by all means, was laughing as hard as the rest), and all the others assembled there lying unconscious, Corey approached Tails, and…

Made out with her. For some reason, Corey felt at ease. Then, when he broke apart from her, he asked "Tails, are you a girl?"

"Took you long enough," she said, panting from the sudden change in Corey's demeanor. Then again, when one goes from one extreme to the next, can you really not say that that guy is stupid.

Aftermath—

Surprisingly, Corey and Tails did date even though they were of completely different intelligences. (Tails was a girl)

Shadow went on a campaign to replace all toilet paper tubes with rings. This prevented any further humiliation to hedgehogkind.

Sonic and Amy married, and Zach got beat up for missing their wedding. Why? Everyone knows that Zach never shows up to anything, not even a funeral, he was just too busy being cold and aloof.

Cream and Charmy and Cosmo got into a love triangle that hasn't been resolved as of yet. But it will be… it will be… (shotgun is heard being cocked in the background)

There is now a nasty love hexagon going on between Silver, Blaze, Big, Knuckles, Rouge, and Shadow. A nasty game of Russian roulette is now being played. I don't know why.


	8. Story 8

**This is another submitted idea. Also, I can only do the swapped genders thing, and when I finally invert the whole personality thing, I'll get that in there in due time.**

**---------**

**What-If Story #8: The Sonic Gang (and only the Sonic Gang) gets inverted genders. (Inverted Personalities Pending)**

"Okay, one time I use my Curse Mark, ONE TIME, DAMNIT! And all of a sudden, Sonic, Knuckles, Shadow, Tails, and all the boys became girls, and all the girls became boys! What the hell?" The still male Corey vented, before muttering to himself, looking at the now female Tails, "But, if I find a way to bring the genders back to normal, I should leave Tails like this—that way, it technically won't be gay—fuck. I just sounded gay already—but, he was... well, not attractive in any level when he was a, well, 'him,' but when I accidentally turned him into a 'her', he moved waaaaaaaayyyyyy up, and now I'll call him… her or she. That way, it isn't gay, and the yaoi-obsessed author's will sense a very large disturbance in the force. Fuck, if this doesn't serve as a deterrent, I don't know what will."

"What did you say, Corey?" Tails said from behind Corey. The interrogated jumped into the air, he thought _Fucking author. Jesus, he just wants to think of Tails as a girl at times. It's not gay, just a little weird. Besides, other people have done Tails as a girl, so he's not the only one. Fuck, I'm carrying on again. Meh, might as well tell him—dammit, her the plan. But the whole "Tails is a girl" thing, frankly, he mistook Tails for a girl when he first heard his voice in Shadow the Hedgehog, so… DAMN! I'm carrying on a-fucking-nother pontification in my head. But, still, what the author says, goes. Besides, he provides background information… and that's where I'll stop, because the script demands it._

And so, it came to pass, that everyone except Tails was changed back into his or her normal gender. After finding out that it was all Corey's fault, he got the crap beat out of him by Knuckles, saying that he was happy being a man, and he did it on purpose.

After that, the author descended on the land. He looked very sleepy. "No, you fucktard, it's a What-if Thing. However, I am working on something as we speak, something…" at this point, randommaster's stereotypical "breaks the fourth-wall so that people can understand what the fuck is going on" sort of thing ended, and he vanished.

--------

**And now, you know I don't do that much with inverted genders.**

**But, what I had Corey thinking in that was actually true. I did think of Tails as a girl because of his voice. And so, I'm reviving that idea and forming it into another story. And I'll edit this later on.**


	9. Story 9

**Alright, next up:**

**(Note: Tails is a girl in this. I need to get some practice in.)**

**-------**

**What-if Story #9: Amy gets Pissed and rampages**

"Why the fuck did I tell her that Sonic didn't like her?! Now she's too pissed to be reasoned with!" the boy with a bigass lump on his head groaned, remembering that he was the cause of the mallet destruction with Amy Rose. Right now, she had both of her hammers out and was laying waste indiscriminately to anything that crossed her path. This included but was not limited to a humvee, an RV, Superman, Adolf Hitler, the Gestapo, three small houses made of straw, wood, and bricks, respectively, the Big Bad Wolf, and a harmless butterfly.

However, Corey happened to cross the irate rose hedgehog's path.

**-AMAZING MALLET ACTION BREAK COREY'S FACE THING!-**

**-FATALITY!-**

**-SMASH OF ULTIMATE MAKING A JACKASS UNABLE TO SAY WORDS!!-**

"Mmmerrrfcker…" the human mumbled, passing out, and letting the hedgehog continue on her unstoppable rampage of destruction.

"THAT'S IT!! I know what to do!" Corey shouted suddenly, knowing that there was one thing that she would calm down to…

Noticing Shadow conveniently five feet next to him, and Amy conveniently moving in for Corey's kill, the human sprung into action, grabbed Shadow by the shoulders, and threw him right into Amy—

They landed with their lips touching… and that's when it happened—the kiss of a lifetime (well, at least, for the both of them).

"It's over." Corey said, looking up at the sky with a glimmer of hope admist the burning remains of a city.

-------

Aftermath—  
Corey and Tails got together. At first, many yaoi-obsessed fangirls screamed in delight, before it was revealed—Tails was a girl. This lead to riots and a very mind-blowing game of Chinese Checkers and several cycles of 'practice kung-fu on yaoi-obsessed rioters'.

Shadow and Amy got together, thanks to Corey's quick thinking. That's right—even though Corey has all the stupidity of a drunken voter, he has leaps of logic that, hell, TAILS would be afraid to make.

Sonic and Sally got together. This lead to protests of screaming SonAmy purists. Fucking purists…

Zach was the one left out of this. However, when it came to saving the city from yaoi-obsessed criminals, he was called in… but never showed up. He received the Award for Being A Total No-Show in Times of Danger.

--------

**I apologize to anyone I offended with the line "Fucking purists…", but I had to choose SOMETHING.**


	10. SP3C1AL No 1

**KUYIOCHE: EDO TENSE!!!**

**revives fanfic**

**Damn straight. This thing had way too much comedic brilliance in the previous chapters to let die. Hopefully, let's hope I can perform all of the what-ifs at once that were submitted to me so I can catch up in one fell swoop.**

**Sorry if I forgot yours, but school is extremely tense. Especially when you've become a Freshman in 9****th**** grade.**

**Note: Not the Shadow Male stripper one.**

**------**

**What If: Special!**

It has been five years since the fall of Solaris. Many times over, Tails has performed in a garage band, and only now had he finally managed to make it to the death metal band. After winning a music award, his group got a hell of a lot of cheap beer. And so, our story begins.

Performing at the bar for perhaps the last time, Tails was flushing away his misery in gallons of alcohol. Only now was the drunken stupor finally starting to have effect. His orange face completely covered with the black and red face paints, Tails' eyes became glazed over, looking bloodshot and red as the facepaints.

And just as a band member approached him, Tails hiccupped, before ZING! The drunken effect fully took over and Tails transformed into Drunken Tails! Drunken Tails picked up two guitars, one in each hand, and then three more with his three tails. He had grown an extra one since the start of puberty.

Then… it happened. Just like an extra from the hilarious fancomic "InSonicnia", Tails started bashing everyone and everything in the face by swinging guitars at them. Drums were shredded. Guitars were broken. People were knocked unconscious with musical sounds.

Finally, fifteen minutes later, Tails was being put into the back of a squad car for seventy counts of attempted murder, and one count of public intoxication, and being intoxicated as a minor.

"How the holy HELL did you get the alcohol in the first place, kid?" were the last words before Tails slipped into a drunken coma.

The morning after, he woke with a killer hangover.

------------------------

Shadow the Hedgehog had found himself in a variety of dangerous situations. Among the situations being almost brutally raped by Shadow-obsessed fangirls that would die for him given the chance, falling from orbit, and other such things, Shadow never, ever thought he would ever HAVE to take a driving test.

But here he was, at the Station Square Department of Motor Vehicles Office. Why was he here? To get a driver's license. That, and his wife, Amy, former Sonic stalker begged him to get his butt here. And Corey, retarded as ever, gave him a drunken push in the direction of the DMV office.

"Mr. Shadow the Ultimate Lifeform," the receptionist began, looking at the black hedgehog with a hint of suspicion, "your test begins."

And so, five minutes later, Shadow, rival of Sonic, husband of his former stalker, and killer of all retards was behind the wheel. Of course, in my stories, you'd expect someone to mess things up, and of course, Shadow messed up. Being a speed demon, he pressed down with well over 2,000 tons of force on the gas pedal, causing the car to go 1,000 miles an hour, before it exploded. And so, Shadow and his teacher were hurled through the air, the seat surprisingly intact and the wheel still in Shadow's hands.

Tinted completely black, Shadow turned to his teacher.

Three.

Two.

One.

"Do I get my license now?"

"Get the fuck out of here."

And so, Shadow never got his license. But hey, he didn't care; he could RUN faster than the motherfucking automobile.

------------------------------------

After Tails had gotten out of jail, everyone decided to go camping. But, that was cut short, as Winnie the Pooh randomly showed up from out of nowhere, and fired a nuke, destroying the planet, and since Winnie the Pooh was even more retarded than Corey, the whole universe shuddered from the impact of such an absurd probability, and imploded via a black hole. Everything died horribly that day.

That was a very corny rendition of why the Sonic gang could have gone camping. Perhaps I'll go over this again someday. Who the hell knows?

-----

**That should catch me up. Perhaps I'll get to the Sonic and Shadow switch of personalities soon. Who knows?**


	11. Story 11 part 1

**I have ideas of my own that need releasing too, and when I hold it I get sick.**

**This next one is going to be a three-parter!**

**Oh, and to those of you wondering "Why the FUCK are Tails and Tailsko in the same universe?" :**

**When coming up with including Tailsko into a sprite movie, I had no idea (other than a comic scan) that it was a DIFFERENT Tails altogether, instead being Tails' long lost older sister. I mean, fuck, I was owned severely when I discovered a fic involving her along with the genderbending dimension. That said, step the fuck off and enjoy this three-parted thingy.**

**------------------------**

**What-If #11: Sonic the Hedgehog Big Brother**

**Part 1: Randomness and Flashbacks**

"Remind me again, Sonic," Corey began, as he, Sonic, and all of the blue hedgehog's friends (and Tails' older sister, Tailsko) made their way towards what was called 'Big Brother', in their world… "Why am I, yet again, roped into something else you've said to me?"

"Because it makes the audience laugh," the blue hedgehog replied, realizing he broke the fourth wall.

"Quit breaking the fourth wall." Zach muttered, also along for the ride. "Anyway, Corey—"

"If this is another 'Sonic Team Intervention to Get Corey to Quit Staring at Tails' Older Sister' kind of thing, I don't want to hear of it. You know what happened last time…"

-----------------------------------------

_**Flashback**_

Corey was surrounded by Zach, Sonic, Shadow, and a pissed-off, overprotective younger brother Tails, as he sat in a chair. Of course, Zach and Shadow, as usual, had very apathetic looks on their face, even though it took both of them holding back Tails from removing his gloves and clawing the everlasting fuck out of Corey's face.

"Corey…" Sonic began, mumbling the first word, but speaking up, slamming both hands on the table. Before he could continue his statement, however, Corey just had to interrupt.

"What the hell is this? A police interrogation?" Corey questioned, obviously feeling a tad uncomfortable in this position. Before he could mouth off more, "incriminating" himself, a green glow appeared on his lips and closed them really tight.

"It's okay, continue," Silver said, having put Corey in a psychic liplock. Corey just leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, feeling defeated.

_Fat lot of help this is doing you, motherfuckers,_ Corey thought.

"Anyway, Corey, we've been seeing you staring at Tails' older sister, Tailsko, and…"

At this point, the two-tailed fox mentioned (Tails) shot up out of Zach and Shadow's grasp, and was just about to hit Corey in the face, but Silver knocked Tails down to the ground with a psychic blast. Then Zach and Shadow sat on top of the prostrate fox, preventing him from moving.

"It's bothering Tails."

"Oh, come on!" Corey shouted. This didn't help much, though… down came Tailsko, who, by all respects, if she was four years younger, could have looked like Tails himself. She was Amy's age, Corey still one year older than her.

"What's going on here?" She questioned, then took a look at her little brother. "And why does Tails look like a rabid lunatic?"

"Corey here seems to—" Shadow began, but was silenced by one word:

"FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!" Corey screamed, doing his best impression of the Tourette's Guy, turning completely beet red and darting out of the room.

An awkward silence followed.

"Erm… nevermind…" Sonic finished for Shadow.

---------------------------------

_**Present-Day**_

"Why should it be feared?" Zach asked.

"You guys were lucky Tailsko showed up when she did… another minute and I would have had your asses by the throat, slamming you together endlessly…"

"Why is that?" Tailsko asked. Corey froze, in mid-step, allowing everyone to go past him.

"Damn…"

----------------------------------

As they arrived at the Big Brother house where they would be staying so that a fake audience within the four walls of fiction could laugh at them, an anvil fell just inches from Corey's feet.

"Shit…" Corey looked up, to see Fleetway Super Tails staring him down. He was obviously the one who perpetrated the unannounced heavy object drop. He was acting like a rabid animal would, only he retained control over his vocabulary.

"DIEEE!!" Or at least, one word remained intact. Corey fell back, wondering how he could save his ass… Oh wait, he's a Saiyan…When did I forget this? Fuck it, let's just have a look at this already.

A flash later and Corey became a Super Saiyan. He then knocked Tails hard into the ground, but not hard enough to do any permanent damage. He returned to normal.

"Well…Shall we go on and get through the Big Brother show already? I mean, if my luck is anything to go on, I've been worse off than having been crushed underneath 200 tons of anvil…" the Saiyan said. Which was true, considering what happened a month ago…

-----------------------------------

"Come on, guys! This is a really good idea!" Corey yelled, facing down Mecha Sonic along with Shadow, Sonic, and Zach.

"I don't know. I mean, this didn't work when we tried it with Tails…" Sonic muttered.

The idea was to shoot someone in a highly concentrated blast of energy, without hurting them, and slam them straight into the opponent, hopefully taking only the opponent out. When it was tried with Tails, though, he was fried along with the opponent. It took several sessions of CPR done by the blue hedgehog to get Tails breathing again.

Awkward silence followed.

"……Gay." Zach spoke up. Then again, he did live with Blaze (and Silver), but only because he had really, nowhere else to stay with.

"Hey! At least I don't live alone with a female cat and never 'drill' her!" Sonic yelled out. Following this was "Or convince Silver to help…"

"Well, at least I try to get some pus—" Zach halted mid-sentence, realized what he had said, and quickly made up for it. "Wow, that did not come out right."

Just then, Corey volunteered. "Screw you guys, I'll do it!"

That provoked Zach. "BIG BANG ATTACK!!" A massive yellow blast came out of his hand, hit Corey in the back, and sent him into Mecha Sonic, which only killed Mecha Sonic.

"I—er, we did it!"

It took a bit of rehabilitation and recuperation, but Corey was able to move again within three weeks.

-----------------------

So, several hours after Tails was convinced not to tear Corey's throat out and shove it where the sun doesn't shine, the show of randomness and more plot twists than a recent Metal Gear Solid game…began…

-----------------------

_I haven't given up yet…_


	12. Story 11 part 2

**Sir Writer's Block claimed me as a victim. Eventually, after surfing this place for what feels like forever, I noticed an unhealthy abundance of crack pairings (namely pairings between rivals, I think you know the pairing I'm talking about here), and just had to factor that into the second part…So, if you feel it's bashing your favorite couple, I apologize if you feel offended. But…Seriously, two rivals **_**CAN'T **_**suddenly start loving each other.**

**------------------------------------------------------------------**

**What-If #11: Sonic the Hedgehog Big Brother**

**Part 2: This is…A RANDOMMASTER FIC!!! (kicks)**

**-----------**

Upon entering the house, Corey almost immediately smelled something amiss. He bent over, and began to inhale through his nose repeatedly. Either he smelled the stains left over by the previous inhabitants of the Big Brother home, or he smelled something far worse. A few people got curious at the Saiyan's sudden need to imitate a police dog, among them Shadow, Sonic, and Tailsko. Zach also wanted to follow.

Corey turned the corner into the hallway where the bedrooms were. He stopped at the door, gazed up at the names written on it, and immediately his face turned bright green. He ran to the bathrooms, Tailsko following. Zach looked up, and suddenly his left eye began to bleed profusely. Sonic and Shadow looked up and gasped.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE??" Sonic yelled, as the realization began to sink in. Upon that damned door were the names of Sonic and Shadow. This meant that as long as both of them were in the show, they would be sharing a room.

"It won't be too bad," Shadow said, causing Corey's insides to retch harder, Tailsko to have to hold him tighter to prevent him from putting his entire head into the toilet, Zach's right eye to start bleeding, and Sonic to stare at him with wide, shocked eyes. Noticing everyone's reaction to this, Shadow quickly finished: "As long as there is a separate bed."

Shadow, being the brave hog that he is, opened the door, and what he saw just about made him want to hunt down the producers and slaughter them with his bare hands until his gloves ripped off and his knuckles bled. There was one king size bed in the room, with no indication that there would be any room to sleep.

"WHAT THE FUCK?????" Shadow yelled. His temper leveled out as he called in the direction of the nearest bathroom, where Corey and Tailsko were having a hell of a time with Corey's reaction to this mess. Corey was dry heaving heavily. Tailsko was trying her best to keep his head out of potentially disease-ridden toilet water. Zach's eyes had finally stopped bleeding with help from Knuckles and Tails, Sonic was rolling on the floor in painfully obvious hysterics, and Shadow's expression darkened to the point some of his red highlights began to turn black.

"Corey, you were right. Hey, I'm gonna go off on a limb here, check your bedroom…" Corey, calming down a bit, stumbled towards the hallway, Tailsko keeping him upright to prevent him from falling on his face, finally found his bedroom. He was surprised when it was him and Tailsko. Wondering if it was the same for all rooms (so as not to awaken Shadow's damned rage), he thrust it open. It looked the same, but Corey saw a small fault in the center.

"Tails," Tailsko called. "Before I went to help out Corey with his reaction, I noticed you were sharing a room with Amy. They had twin beds."

Silence coated the room. With his temper as level as possible, Shadow turned towards the assembled heroes, and said the following: "Whoever put us on this show must have a real obsession with yaoi crack-pairings."

"Tell me about it. And from the looks of the hetero rooms and the room that Vanilla and Rouge will share, it looks like he or she has a deep-seated distaste for any other pairing, even if it isn't completely fucking insane." Tails said. Everyone put their palm to their face in a unified facepalm.

Suddenly, Corey shifted his blue bandanna to a "rapper" position. He then started (very poorly) rapping.

"Yo yo yo yo yo!" Corey began, doing his absolute worst at rapping yet knowing what he was freestyling about. "True fans do know what be—"

Zach promptly cut off his cousin by bitch-slapping him through the closet. "The author himself can't even rap. Therefore, we can't even rap anyway. Even if we are pros at it normally. I don't care if I'm blind in both eyes for a while—but start doing that shit again and I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"Fine. Damn." Corey adjusted the bandanna to normal. "Seriously though, just because two people of the same sex share a bed, will not mean they will start attempting to reproduce in any way, shape or form."

Silence.

"Corey, how long did you hang out with my little brother?" Tailsko asked.

"He forced me to get an education."

At this, everyone shouted out: "NEEEEEEEEEERD!!" at the aforementioned orange fox.

"Anyway, that doesn't even apply to people of different sexes sharing a bed. For example, I and Tailsko could share one of these twin beds and be in love, yet still be able to remain abstinent." the Saiyan said. It was about twenty seconds after the silence started that Corey realized what he had subliminally revealed.

"…Oh son of a…"

"It's fine…Hey, everyone, could you leave us alone, for about, oh maybe thirty minutes…?" Tailsko promptly pressed her nose up against Corey's, who immediately turned bright red at the implications. Zach, hearing this, and knowing the innuendo behind it all, immediately shivered at the thought of his younger cousin being laid before he got some.

Now acting on a surge of hormones being brought out of his genitals, Corey immediately shoved anyone that was in his room out of it, and in about three minutes, the two could be heard moaning…

Sonic and Shadow looked in their own room. They both shivered in unison, knowing this was their fate. Then they realized that this is a randommaster fic, and thus, they definitely wouldn't suddenly fall in love and start doing things to each other, and sighed in relief. Then Shadow began acting his usual self.

"Hey Sonic, how about you sleep on the floor while I take the bed?" Shadow grinned evilly and kicked Sonic to the floor at that moment. He then took the bed for himself. Sonic then jumped on top of Shadow and the two wrestled for a moment, with Shadow winning and tossing Sonic off the bed and into the closet.

"Don't you come out of the closet! Just sleep in there!" Shadow yelled. Then they both got behind what was just said and Shadow immediately found himself asking:

"What the hell was randommaster smoking when he wrote this?"

Corey stepped out of his room, his hair messed up and wondering if he could eat something. His stomach was empty and he had just done something that guys find REALLY tiring after the climax. He found some steak, and cooked it. Tailsko came in after it was done, her fur all ruffled and also very hungry for something other than "milk".

They ate the steak and then fell asleep on the kitchen table. Zach, now able to remove his bandages, was finally able to see, and realized that what happened between the two was definitely going to be all over TV. He had seen cameras in his and Knuckles' room, as well as in Tails and Amy's room.

For whatever reason, Vanilla and Cream were out working in the garden, while Rouge was alone in her room. I think we know how that one turned out once she realized there was a camera in her room.

Suddenly, a random Yaoi Fangirl burst into Sonic and Shadow's room, and was wondering why the two hadn't copulated.

"What the hell is this?!" she squealed, causing Sonic to burst out of the closet like a true action hero.

The girl squealed in delight and screeched: "Sonic just came out of the closet! That means he can fall in love with Shadow!"

"No it doesn't," Shadow sneered, letting Sonic have his time to shine.

"This is blasphemy! This is MADNESS!!!" the girl squealed angrily.

"Madness? Dear, I think you're missing the point…" Sonic said, advancing on the girl, who now hovered dangerously over the sewers. It was a thirty foot drop into Corey's recent vomit and Knuckles' fire diarrhea from drinking a bit too much Tobasco hot sauce.

"This…is…A CHANCE TO DINE IN HELL!!" Sonic yelled, and at that point, there was a black screen with the words "Take 2" on it. It started from the point where Sonic was supposed to say something entirely different:

"This…is…A RANDOMMASTER FIC!" With that, Sonic kicked the delusional person into the sewers.

"You know, the situation actually fit that 300 line…" Shadow said, amazed. "But still, with all the shit in this chapter, it makes you wonder about what randommaster is on when he wrote this."

"I know. It seemed out of character for him to put two males in the same room with a king-size bed."

"It just goes to show you that we can't go together at all." Shadow said. "We're fucking rivals, for crying out loud!"

"Good point. I guess in this part, the author just wanted to go out of his way to bash the hell out of yaoi…" Sonic said.

"Good. Now go visit Amy. I believe she has a surprise for you…" Shadow said evilly.

"Um, ok." Sonic obviously didn't catch the sinister undertones to Shadow's sentence, and went to Amy's room. When he entered, the door closed behind him, and Amy was alone in there, in suggestive clothing.

"Hello…!!" She squealed, with a whip in her hand and charging right at Sonic.

"DAMN YOU SHADOW!!!!" Sonic yelled, just before his screams of terror pierced the ears of our heroes and television audience.

---------------------------------------------------

**And this is the result of me staying up too late and wanting to write something…**


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